United States Colonial Authority... (With associate Corporate Members: SpaceX, Halliburton, United Launch Alliance & ICTS International)

Planet: Mars, Sol.

Location: Meridiani Planum, Sinus Meridiani, Equator Region (0.2°N 357.5°E)

Sector: 42

Date: 02/03/2132

Time: 24:19 (Zone 1, Martian Time)

Clearance Level: Lance Corporal (Engineer) – U.S. Space Corps (U.S. Air Force)

Log In I.D.: John_Riverside_RT36456687

Title of Message: A Happy Birthday! (Valentines is still stupid)

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Dear Jacqueline,

Just checking in to wish you a Happy Birthday. From Mars. Ha, I bet couples a 100 years ago did not have problems like that. But you know, duty is duty (For God, Country and Coca-Cola). They still had Valentines though. As I wrote from the orbit of Ganymede, we absolutely should not celebrate this holiday. I know, you have a much more romantic view of the 21st century and the 20th century than me. But the holiday is based on some stupid and creepy ideas. Fertility Gods and an executed Roman priest. I wrote about this in my previous emails. At least Halloween makes sense with the Celts. Or Ronald Reagan Day, after all he did defeat Communism for the time being. Anyway, I am rambling. It feels good writing something that doesn’t include dry instructions and block-chain code.

Well off to your Birthday presents… I left a code activated safe with a few gifts for your special day! I know you are mad for the 20th century especially for the 60s to the 90s period. So I went around to the antiques shops and got a few items I hope you will like. (Spoiler alert: our new house in the Keys have something to do with it.) I am so happy that President Scaramucci, finally cared about Human Induced Climate Change and saved the Keys. You can almost forget his historical Inaugural Address through which he kept complaining about the low quality pizza in New York City.

Anyway, the code for the safe is: ‘PARROTHEAD’. I might not be a Son Of A Son Of A Sailor, but I am 40 and I dealt with (space) pirates before. I hope you will enjoy the vintage vinyl ‘Volcano’ album from Mr. Buffett! (and the other merch from the 70s and 80s.)

I miss you so much. But I promise, when your Starman gets back, we will take a yearlong vacation. We will island hop like a Caribbean amphibian and we will watch the stars from a firewatch tower in Montana. Come Monday It'll be all right, Come Monday I'll be holding you tight…

I love you, my jewel in the night. (Oh you kept asking tons about my assignment next to the Opportunity landing site, I attached a few photos of the Rover! That little bugger survived multiple Martian decades!)

My Love,

John

 

P.S.: You asked how is Mars? Well: The weather is here, I wish you were beautiful! (and no falling Teslas in the sky)

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Files Attached: JPG.62345, JPG.62347, JPG72348

Message Received: ... Phobos Antenna System (ONLINE) ... Lunar Relay Station 1313 (ONLINE) ... Canberra Deep Space Communication Complex (ONLINE) ... MESSAGE DELIVERED

Address of Message: Mrs. Jacqueline Riverside

Approximate Area: Key West, Florida State, United States of America

Date of Message Received: 03/03/2132

Time of Message Received: 13:23 (EST, Earth Time)

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